from this one place...

I was about to give up and that's no lie
cardinal landed outside my window
threw his head back and sang a song
so beautiful it made me cry.

It took me back to a childhood tree
full of birds and dreams.

From this one place I can't see very far.
In this one moment I'm square in the dark.
These are the things I will trust in my heart
You can see something else

I don't know what's making me so afraid
tiny cloud over my head
heavy and grey with a hint of dread
I don't like to feel this way

take me back to a window seat
with clouds beneath my feet

from this one place I can't see very far
in this one moment I'm square in the dark
these are the things I will trust in my heart
you can see something else
something else

hard to swallow

Nichole Nordeman's Gratitude.... breaking my heart right now....

Send some rain, would You send some rain? 'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again and the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade. Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud? Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down? Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid.

But maybe not, not today. Maybe You'll provide in other ways. And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude for lessons learned in how to thirst for You, and how to bless the very sun that warms our face if You never send us rain...

Daily bread, give us daily bread. Bless our bodies, keep our children fed. Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight. Wrap us up and warm us through. Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs, let us slumber safe from danger's view this time.

Or maybe not, not today. Maybe You'll provide in other ways. And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude. A lesson learned to hunger after You. That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between. What we want and what we really need..

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace. Move our hearts to hear a single beat between alibis and enemies tonight. Or maybe not, not today. Peace might be another world away. And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude for lessons learned in how to trust in You. That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream in abundance or in need. And if You never grant us peace...

But Jesus, would You please . . .

I don't doubt your sovereignty

Sara Groves, speaking to my heart.

Hello Lord, it's me your child. I have a few things on my mind. Right now I'm faced with big decisions, and I'm wondering if you have a minute. Right now I don't hear so well and I was wondering if you could speak up. I know that you tore the veil so I could sit with you in person and hear what you're saying, but right now, I just can't hear you. . I don't doubt your sovereignty, I doubt my own ability to hear what you're saying and to do the right thing, and I desperately want to do the right thing. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think you are telling me to wait, and though patience has never been mine, Lord I will wait to hear from you. .

what is done and yet to come, amen

immediately after the last post, God gave me Psalm 16. immediate answers. immediate refueling.

however, day to day, i must be refueled.

the past few weeks have been...i don't even have a word

at times i have felt so filled with joy and hope and surrounded by the pure love of Christ. I was held in His arms at Women's Worship last week. and every Sunday at worship. Its like my heart is just putty in the Lord's hands. Weepy putty. i cry in church. frequently. okay...every time. (my spiritual rock of the past couple years, Lisa Carr, once told us that she always cries in church, so i feel like i'm in good company.) the promise of God's provision is so humbling and yet so frightening from the worldly vantage point that we have, it just overwhelms me.

today in church we sang "open the flood gates of heaven. let it rain". amen. let the promises rain.

also in response to the previous post, not only did God give me Psalm 16, he also gave me Daniel 3...

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

... wow. even if he does not. even if he doesn't provide them with the earthly response to his promises. they knew the Lord is faithful.

new friends are coming. new joy is coming. God has fulfilled his promises. i hope for what is to come.

as dave barnes says.... "what is done and yet to come, Amen."

woozy friends

i feel like i just had no control over today. over leaving.

that's not the truth, but i feel like it.

i'm sitting here thinking to myself, "why on earth did you just leave those people, those relationships behind? you just...drove away. just got in you little SUV and left them in a sleepy town in the middle of rural america. who does that? you do."

that's not the truth either, but i feel like it is.

there is such depth and love and knowledge of heart in those friendships. and now i'm home, (with my family, which is beyond wonderful), but i don't know how to basically start from the beginning with friendships here.

its like this. say, you really like riding roller coasters. well, you ride your favorite roller coaster everyday, just enough times to where you feel a little woozy, but that's worth it cause it was your favorite. and then, one day, you go to ride your favorite roller coaster and they tell you that you can only slide down the slide.

a slide? pardonnez-moi?

this is a little tiny slide. like on one of those playschool yard sets.

its plastic.

it doesn't make you appropriately woozy.

but you chose to come to the park, so now you have to ride the slide, or nothing.

the friends that i left this morning, make me appropriately woozy. they know my heart. they know more about me than i know about me.

and i know there is good to come. i know that the Lord is mightily, woozily, faithful. i know that in the depths of my heart. i just...my heart is in the middle of the promise and the proof. i believe the promise, so i hope and wait for the proof. even if the proof never comes, i still have faith in the promise. but right now, i'm in the middle.

my heart trusts that here is where God has called me.

its just that my heart aches for the promises that he has already fulfilled in my life. because they were so holy and perfect.

tonight, i'm watching kate and parker while their mom and dad took a night to themselves. i was tucking kate in bed and she asked me if i could tuck her in snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug just like daddy does. so i did. and she said she felt like a caterpillar. then as i turned off the light and pulled the door closed, she said "goodnight, caterpillar."

that brought me joy :)